A note to Kiwi's re this post. John in this spoof is the voice of John Clarke, a.k.a. our old mate Fred Dagg. This script is a voice over to a 2 year old interview featuring John Clarke as the then Aussie PM; John Howard. Artistic license has substituted John Howard for Rudd's Environment Minister Penny Wong... 
Kerry: Tonight, we’re joined by Senator Penny Wong.
Brian: Senator Wong, thanks for joining us – and may I add how lovely you look tonight.
John: Why, thank you Brian.
Brian: You’ve been pretty quiet lately, Senator.
John: Plenty to be quiet about Brian.
Brian: Such as?
John: Climategate, Copenhagen, conflict of interest, Glaciergate. Blizzards in the northern hemisphere. Anything to do with Climate Change, actually. It’s all gone to custard.
Brian: So it’s been a tough few months, then?
John: Been a mongrel, Brian, yes. First Climategate made us all look like a bunch of crooks. Then Copenhagen made us look like a bunch of stupid crooks. And…
Brian: And ???
John: Subsequent events have confirmed the earlier conclusions Brian. The UN head of climate change turns out to be a railway engineer who’s now on the gravy train, and it seems our peer reviewed glacier data is obtained over the phone from a gentleman in the Punjab.
Brian: Who is…?
John: A certified idiot Brian. And as of late, a highly respected and very well credentialed traveler on the gravy train as well.
Brian: Where the wheels are looking wobbly to the point of parting from the vehicle?
John: Cheers for that Brian. Can we change the subject please?
Brian: OK. So, err, Senator, any plans for the future?
John: Not much.
Brian: How about the ETS legislation in February?
John: Not much point really, is there Brian? Blind Freddy can see it’s a crock of it. A total waste of taxpayer’s resources and government’s time. Government exists to maintain and expand the social and economic well-being of its population – not to legislate natural events. No responsible government would even contemplate such a thing.
Brian: Then what will you do instead?
John: After disbanding the Department for Climate Change?
Brian: Dismantle your own department?
John: Of course. It’s about as useful as tits on a bull right now Brian. Yep. Disband the department, resign from parliament and then I think I’ll renovate the en-suite and put in a home entertainment room.
Brian: (Gobsmacked) What!?
John: Home entertainment room Brian. A lot of houses have them these days.
Brian: (Spluttering) Resign?
John: Sorry, should have mentioned it earlier. The Labor Party will be resigning on Monday. We’ll probably be the first government in history to resign in protest at their own incompetence. Brian: (Still gobsmacked.) The Labor Party?
John: Only the feds Brian. Though I hear the New South Wales guys reckon it could be a good idea as well. Kevin might stick around to run a garage sale and hand over the keys. The best thing we can do for the country Brian.
Brian: You can’t be serious!
John: (Laughing) ‘Course not Brian. When do you want to start the interview?
Brian: Senator Wong, thanks for joining us – and may I add how lovely you look tonight.
John: Why, thank you Brian.
Brian: You’ve been pretty quiet lately, Senator.
John: Plenty to be quiet about Brian.
Brian: Such as?
John: Climategate, Copenhagen, conflict of interest, Glaciergate. Blizzards in the northern hemisphere. Anything to do with Climate Change, actually. It’s all gone to custard.
Brian: So it’s been a tough few months, then?
John: Been a mongrel, Brian, yes. First Climategate made us all look like a bunch of crooks. Then Copenhagen made us look like a bunch of stupid crooks. And…
Brian: And ???
John: Subsequent events have confirmed the earlier conclusions Brian. The UN head of climate change turns out to be a railway engineer who’s now on the gravy train, and it seems our peer reviewed glacier data is obtained over the phone from a gentleman in the Punjab.
Brian: Who is…?
John: A certified idiot Brian. And as of late, a highly respected and very well credentialed traveler on the gravy train as well.
Brian: Where the wheels are looking wobbly to the point of parting from the vehicle?
John: Cheers for that Brian. Can we change the subject please?
Brian: OK. So, err, Senator, any plans for the future?
John: Not much.
Brian: How about the ETS legislation in February?
John: Not much point really, is there Brian? Blind Freddy can see it’s a crock of it. A total waste of taxpayer’s resources and government’s time. Government exists to maintain and expand the social and economic well-being of its population – not to legislate natural events. No responsible government would even contemplate such a thing.
Brian: Then what will you do instead?
John: After disbanding the Department for Climate Change?
Brian: Dismantle your own department?
John: Of course. It’s about as useful as tits on a bull right now Brian. Yep. Disband the department, resign from parliament and then I think I’ll renovate the en-suite and put in a home entertainment room.
Brian: (Gobsmacked) What!?
John: Home entertainment room Brian. A lot of houses have them these days.
Brian: (Spluttering) Resign?
John: Sorry, should have mentioned it earlier. The Labor Party will be resigning on Monday. We’ll probably be the first government in history to resign in protest at their own incompetence. Brian: (Still gobsmacked.) The Labor Party?
John: Only the feds Brian. Though I hear the New South Wales guys reckon it could be a good idea as well. Kevin might stick around to run a garage sale and hand over the keys. The best thing we can do for the country Brian.
Brian: You can’t be serious!
John: (Laughing) ‘Course not Brian. When do you want to start the interview?
When the establishment's media darlings show some courage and lampoon their traditional liberal political allies and the laughing starts, it's all over...H/T Jo Nova...
...and breaking news...Abbott unveils coalition climate policy...here... and Kevin Rudd warns his troops...there is "no guarantee" Labor will win the next election in the wake of a shock Newspoll finding that the Coalition has overtaken Labor on the primary vote.
The Prime Minister said today the reality was that Mr Abbott would be prime minister if two or three people in 100 changed their vote at the next election...more here..
The Prime Minister said today the reality was that Mr Abbott would be prime minister if two or three people in 100 changed their vote at the next election...more here..
5 comments:
Thank goodness my former theatrical training allows me to read that with an Aussie inflection.
Just not the same without it, is it Brian?
Classic smothered in awesome.
No, it's unfortunately got to be read in the vernacular. Such a great pity that all our TV satirists only emerge when so called conservative governments are in power. Our most popular show "Spitting Images" could have had a field day with Helen Clark. However, we got rid of her anyway...
"How about the ETS legislation in February?"
If only they'd just junk it, no sir, they're putting it forward again, just because the ipcc has been torn to shreds makes no difference to labour here, they're still insisting that Australia alone can stop the tide from coming in and that we must tax ourselves to do so.
Liberal federal Australian MP for Tangney (WA) Dr Dennis Jensen detailed the full litany of climategates and glaciergates etc in the House of Parliament yesterday. You can see the transcript in the Hansard for 2 Feb pg 65 of 123 onwards. Never thought I would hear the word glaciergate uttered in parliament!
In that same session on page 48 of 123 Labor Minister Lindsay Tanner accuses Abbott of pretending to act on climate change with his new policy and states that it will allow business-as-usual for Australia. In Tanner's words the choice is clear: choose Abbott and business-as-usual, or choose Labor and radically alter business-as-usual to save the environment from climate change.
My hope is that a full debate rages on AGW across the country. Once people get the facts, without the media's green screen censorship they'll reject loopy ideas like an ETS.
And of course, the international implications of Australia's debate will be huge.
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