Thursday, 16 July 2009

Virgin sacrifices to appease the Earth gods...

...are in order according to Iowahawk's interpretation of the US Waxman-Markey Bill. Whether the bizzare android alien Mr Waxman (right; and this is him after extensive surgery) will officiate at the ritual sacrifices is still unknown. In the meantime House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) defended the bill, saying that "...it is critical that we do something immediately to show we are serious about solving this climate crisis. Without burnt offerings of taxes and virgins, Gaia will smite us all in her angry burning wrath. So let me just say to the corporate and virgin special interest groups - don't come crying to us in 400 years, when our temperatures are up almost 1 degree celsius."
Pelosi denied the bill was anti-consumer, pointing out it contains specific infrastructure and job creation funds. It specifies 500,000 unionized positions to construct a planned 300-foot tall National Eco Pyramid and Virgin Sacrifice Altar in Youngstown, Ohio, as well as funds to train over 20,000 youth volunteer earth-priests in live beating heart removal...

"The rider simply recognizes that virgin members of Congress are often so busy doing the work of the people that we have little opportunity for actual sexual intercourse," said Waxman. "For example, were I not focusing on this crucial legislation, I would totally be porking some sexy, sexy ladies. No, really, I'm serious. I would be. Stop laughing."
Bill co-sponsor Edward Markey (D-MA) said that even if enacted into law, the bill allows a 9 month grace period for current virgins to change their sacrifice eligibility status.
"Easy for him to say," complained Kevin Warren, a 34-year old Green Bay Packer fanatic from Fon du Lac, Wisconsin. "You try getting laid with a foam rubber cheese hat, green face paint and Favre jersey..." ...
more from the maestro here...
...and Bjorn Lomborg on the colossal rort of taxpayer money that is the climate industrial complex...American electricity utility Duke Energy, a member of the Copenhagen Climate Council, has long promoted a U.S. cap-and-trade scheme. Yet the company bitterly opposed the Warner-Lieberman bill in the U.S. Senate that would have created such a scheme because it did not include European-style handouts to coal companies. The Waxman-Markey bill in the House of Representatives promises to bring back the free lunch...more here...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

And isn't our guy a dude, and theirs a monster.

MK said...

Let's sacrifice pelosi first, into the tar pit with that wicked witch.