Fatties take note!

Hey Colin, hold the front page...this just in...

A FIRM which claims its bottled water can help with weight loss has been told to stop filling it with the ebola virus.

The makers of Slimmy Water claim drinkers can shed up to six stone in one week by filling their bodies with 'friendly bacteria'.

But scientists say the special slimming ingredient is nothing more than a particularly viscious strain of the deadly gastro-intestinal bug.

Dr Tom Logan, of Durham University, said: "It is a great way to fit into your favourite party dress, as long as you don't mind violently shitting yourself the entire time you're at the party."
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The promotional material for Slimmy Water states: "Drink one bottle a day for a week and watch the pounds literally fall out of you!

"If you've not lost at least half your body weight within seven days, you'll get your money back and a free bottle."